I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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