Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize