I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize