You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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