I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Randomize
