remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
