Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
