Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize