I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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