She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
