I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
this is an emotional support booty call
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
