i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
