Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nicole vs. Life
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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