But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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