or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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