dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My penis needs a shock collar
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize