Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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