I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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