And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize