Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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