So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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