No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
