Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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