I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
