Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
