Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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