CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
