Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
