Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
