am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
