made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
