Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
