Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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