I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
