That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
