Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
