I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
