I don't think brook has ever known best
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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