youre lurking in front of me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
