dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
