He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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