How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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