I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
