my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can you bring me the toilet please
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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