I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
