i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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