i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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