She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
