You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
