I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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