In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
