i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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