cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
