So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
handjob tips. give me some.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
