laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
