A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
