no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
