I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
this will be a night to untag.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
