Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
