Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Randomize