just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize