So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
