it was like eating out sand paper
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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