well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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