My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
