He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
