my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
