Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
