I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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