He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
