Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
