The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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