Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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