Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just gift wrapped bread.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
