return my video game
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
