No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
