twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
