Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
