I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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