Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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