I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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